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The Rubber Band Effect
Dear John: Your books have given me so many good tips on how men think that they’ve really helped me in my dating life. Regarding what you call “the rubber band theory,” how many times should a man disconnect from you and come back? Is there a time period where, if he keeps doing this, he is just not interested?
Called the “rubber band” or the male intimacy cycle, it’s when a man vacillates between being close to his partner and pulling away. Men do this for many reasons.
Meet a new man. Be excited. Start dating. Have a great time. Get intimate. The thing is this. If you meet a new guy that you like, enjoy it. Let him lead. Let him pursue. If he really likes you, he will.
Men Are Like Rubber Bands: Your Guide To Understand Your Man’s Intimacy Cycle
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Oh well! He thought the grass would be greener. He reacted to a moment. If he broke it off during a heated fight, he may have been too proud to admit it. Maybe he was hoping you would break the ice. Then too much time passed and he felt he had to stick to his guns. He took for granted that you would always be there, fighting for your relationship. When you quietly moved on, it sent his world off its axis.
Dating push pull theory
Ok, Ladies. Where did he go? What should I do? So, go ahead and bookmark this on your cell phone or laptop for later so you can read it again and again until you get it. Men, just like children, will always test their boundaries with you.
There’s no such ‘rule.’ Every situation is different. Sometimes it’s best to let someone have time to recover from a prior relationship, that’s – Dating Question.
Have you ever dated a guy, or been on the verge of dating him, and things are going really well? And then suddenly, he pulls away? He just cools off, even disappears for a few days. Most women are left confused in this situation. If things are going so good, why does he pull away? Men, especially the alpha male kind, value goals, separation, autonomy and independence a lot more than women do. A relationship simply is not a priority for them the way it is for a woman.
Men are happy to be lovey-dovey, for a time, especially in the beginning of a relationship.
Deciphering Dating, Part Three – Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus
John Gray essentially believes that men have an intimacy cycle that is comparable with a rubber band, which stretches this is when the man pulls away and then eventually springs back, which is when he wants to get closer. It is not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault.
Relationships Essential Reads. Half of Singles Don’t Want a Relationship or Even a Date.
So I call it the Rubber Band theory. When they pull away they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. It can be applied in a number of scenarios and situations. It is predominantly used when beginning a potential relationship with someone that you really like but who does not seem to be reciprocating the affection. Well, yes it is, but I like the way the theory makes it a more official.
She approached me for advice to which I gave her the Rubber Band theory. Once she stopped trying so hard to make it work out between them, the tables turned and he began reciprocating the attention and affection. They have been together for a happy seven months since. Remember, the majority of people do not like to be overwhelmed by their partner, be it at the beginning of a relationship or during one. This is especially the case when casually dating; the last thing anyone wants is for their date to go from casual to stressful.
So there you have it, the Rubber Band theory. Take it and use it as you will. For those of you yet to attempt it, have a go and let me know how it goes.
Rubber band theory of dating
One of our long time subscribers to our newsletters wrote to ask if we support the rubber band theory in relationships in our breakthrough coaching practice. We have seen this dynamic too many times in both genders to assign one set of behaviors to one and another set to another. One person either gender pulls away for whatever reason and the other person pushes in some form or another because he or she feels a loss of love and connection.
The Rubber Band Theory If the man pulls too far back the rubber band can break and then you face a much harder time rekindling the relationship. If the guy you are dating is avoidant then you will be in a constantly.
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